Must Be... by FieryStar90

Rating: G
Genres: Romance, Humor
Relationships: Harry & Hermione
Book: Harry & Hermione, Books 1 - 5
Published: 15/07/2005
Last Updated: 15/07/2005
Status: Completed

On a whim, The Trio decides the criteria of what the girlfriend of Harry Potter must have... and
they come up with surprising results! OneShot




1. Must Be...: Part One of One
------------------------------



**Summary:** On a whim, The Trio decides the criteria of what the girlfriend of Harry Potter
must have.

**Must Be**

Harry Potter, aged twenty-three, bespectacled and messy-haired as always, sighed as he closed
the door to the flat that he shared with his two best friends, Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger,
also aged twenty-three.

The two said best friends were watching a movie together, something that proved both disastrous
and amusing at the same time.

“What? What kind of bloody hell logic is *that*, determining whether you're a witch by
whether your float? What the… is that a *duck*?” Ron stared at the TV screen, in both awe and
horror.

Hermione sighed. “It's just a parody Ron, I *told* you. But yes, muggles were quite
stupid and did that.”

Ron gasped. “This is supposed to be *funny*?” It was Ron's turn to pick the movie, and
upon Hermione telling him that, while quite stupid, *Monty Python and the Holy Grail* was one
of the most hilarious movies she had ever watched, Ron immediately rented it. Obviously, he was not
amused at the witch part.

With that Harry knew was a roll of her eyes, Hermione responded, “Just be quiet and watch the
movie, Ron.”

Ron instead stood up and went to make some more popcorn, and upon seeing Harry, said, “Oy! How
was your date, mate?”

Harry sighed. “A disaster. She was all the things I hated.”

Hermione, turning around on the couch to face Harry, made a sympathetic noise.

“Clingy?” Asked Ron.

“Immature?” Hermione piped in.

“Obnoxious?” Ron wanted to know.

“Idiotic?” Questioned Hermione.

And together, “In your fan club?”

“Yes, yes, yes, yes… and (shudder) yes.” Harry flopped on the couch and took off his
glasses.

“When am I going to find Her, guys? I mean, I know I'm still young, but I want a family… you
know, a blood one. You guys are great and all, but—”

Hermione interrupted. “We *know*, Harry. Really, it makes perfect sense.”

“Yeah,” Ron put in, “but good god, Harry, you really know how to pick `em. You always are
attracted to people who are totally wrong for you.”

Hermione nodded in agreement.

Harry sighed. “Well, what should I do then?”

Ron laughed suddenly. “Put an ad in the paper or something. I can see it now, Wanted: Girlfriend
for Harry Potter. Must not be clingy, immature, obnoxious, idiotic, and in his fan club.” Ron
winked. “That should narrow it down quite a bit, mate.”

Harry laughed. “Yes, but my fan club would be quite small after that ad. Everyone would want to
quit!”

Hermione rolled her eyes, but chuckled as well. “My, what a big ego,” she teased.

Harry chortled. “I try.”

Hermione added on, “Put this on the ad: Must be able to keep Harry and his ego in check.”

“But,” added Ron, “knows how to cheer him up when he's down. Able to make him laugh and
joke.”

“Exactly,” Harry nodded. “She also has to be… understanding. Patient.”

“With your mood swings,” Ron joked, “Hermione and I are the only people able to withstand
you.”

“Harry's mood swings aren't *that* bad,” Hermione told Ron seriously. “But still,
she has to be patient, like Harry said. Kind, as well.”

“Definitely,” Harry put in. “She needs to have maternal instincts.”

“What?” Ron demanded. “You want to marry a nag?”

Hermione rolled her eyes. “Good with children, I think Harry means.”

“Handle Harry *and* children?” Ron's eyes were big. “She needs to be a strong
woman.”

“Yes,” Hermione agreed. “Not a water works, like *some* of Harry's girlfriends.” She
and Ron chuckled while Harry yelled,

“Oh, come on! That was fifth bloody year!”

Once the laughter settled, Hermione said, “She needs to be… she needs to not be rash.
Harry's rash enough for anyone.”

“Yeah,” Ron said. “Logical… smart.”

“Definitely,” Harry put in. “I'm not dating a bimbo.” Ron and Hermione gave him looks.
“Okay, well, I won't date a bimbo *again*.”

“She shouldn't worry about looks or money or fame,” Hermione said. “That's
important.”

“Yeah,” Harry agreed. “I don't want her to be frivolous or petty either. I hate people like
that.”

“It would help if she was pretty too,” Ron put in, “but not important, right mate?” He added on
after seeing Hermione's glare.

“Right,” Harry grinned.

“Is that everything?” Hermione raised her eyebrows, looking at the extensive list.

“Bloody hell, Hermione!” Harry exclaimed. “You actually wrote it out?!”

“I had a quick-quill do it for me,” Hermione said airily. “And besides, what if we really put in
an ad?”

The boys stared at her in astonishment, but then she laughed. “Oh, I'm just kidding,” she
said. “I just wanted to save it for something to laugh at in later years… and besides, it may help
Harry in the future.

“So,” she repeated. “Is that everything?”

There was silence until Ron said, “Must love quidditch!”

Hermione scoffed, but put it down anyway.

“So,” she said, “here's what we have:

-Must be able to do ego-control

-Must be able to pick Harry up when he's down

-Must have sense of humor

-Must be patient and understanding

-Must be kind

-Must be good with children (maternal)

-Must be strong (not physically)

-Must be logical/intelligent

-Mustn't care about looks/fame/money

-Must not be: frivolous, petty, clingy, immature, obnoxious, and in fan club

-Must be… pretty (?)

-Must love Quidditch.”

Ron whistled. “That's quite the list.”

“Yes,” Hermione agreed. “Where's Harry going to find a girl like that?”

“I don't know,” Harry said, a bit dazed. “Oh Merlin—I'm never going to find Her!”

Ron, having taken the list and was inspecting it, said quietly, “I think… you already found
Her.”

“Really?” Harry's eyebrows rose. “And who is that?”

Ron peered over at his other best friend. “Hermione.”

“What?!” It wasn't Harry who spoke, but Hermione. “It—it can't be me,” she said
meekly.

“And why not?” Ron demanded.

“Because,” she said, just as meekly, looking like she wanted to curl up in a shell and never
come out, “I don't like quidditch.”

Ron rolled his eyes. “Bloody hell!” He exclaimed. “That was *my* suggestion! Look at it,
Hermione: you always keep Harry in check when it comes to his ego, but at the same time you
encourage and help him when he's down. Although not many know it, you actually can laugh at
some things—like Monty Python (I have no bloody clue why, though—stupid movie). You're patient
(though not with me) and you understand Harry better than anyone. You're kind and you nag us so
often, you've *got* to be maternal. You're one of the strongest people I know
and—bloody hell, I'm not going to even go *into* the `smart' thing (mutters: Miss 112%
on Charms Final). We all know you don't care about Harry's fame or his money or his looks.
You are *definitely* not petty, or frivolous, or immature (that would be me), and not in his
fan club (at least I don't think so….). And to be honest, you really *are* quite pretty,
Hermione, especially since you grew your hair out (and the bushiness right with it). And as for
quidditch? Well, as I said, that was my suggestion. Not Harry's. And I'm sure you don't
care a bit about that, do you Harry?”

Ron turned to the silent Harry, who said, with a new look in his eyes as he gazed at Hermione,
“No, I don't.”

Ron noticed that Hermione refused to look at Harry (who was now staring as if he'd never
seen her before.)

“You know what?” He said. “I'm going to return that movie and get something better—like
*Breakfast at Tiffany's*. Now *there's* a movie.” And with that, Ron left.

There was an awkward silence in the room as Harry continued to stare at Hermione who continued
to stare at her feet (though they were hidden by the blanket she had wrapped around her).

“Hermione,” Harry said quietly. “Is it really that crazy? You and I, together?”

It was a long moment before Hermione spoke, finally meeting Harry's eyes.

“No,” she said in wonder, “it really isn't.”

While the two discovered their newfound affections, the quick quill wrote one more criteria for
Harry's girlfriend.

-*Must be Hermione.*

0 0 0

**A/N:** The idea came to me over dinner, and I went write to the laptop. Couldn't wait
until I returned home from vacation to submit this (dedicated little bugger, aren't I?) so here
it is! Done in less than an hour, so I hope it's all right.

My favorite part is Ron hating Monty Python (when you'd think he'd love it) and loving
Breakfast at Tiffany's (while, an AWESOME movie, is a chick flick). Heh heh, just wanted you to
know…

Anyway, constructive criticism would be great!

TWO MORE DAYS!

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